friends

after my cousin thing i begin to contact my friends in Thailand. just to see what's going on with them. one is going to be a teacher. she hates doing the teaching plan.

one i can't contact her often. don't know y. i try. i think i have to try harder. other one is becoming a so-called bad girl.

i don't know if she finished her school. i see her pics. she went to the club or a party that ppl can place sticker on other ppl body. and she had some one her breasts etc.... uhhh....

what becoming of her, i wonder.

my life so far is nothing much happening. however, i start to go to temple every week now.

i never go that often before. my life is so bore that i want out. by out i mean never come back again. it is what achieving enlightenment has to offer.

Catch up

wow i got lots of catch up to do. what i should start first? i have wrote a diary and i was thinking of coping some of it to here but then it's 2 years of information. it would be pretty boring for me if i have to re-live it. ok i will just type the major things then.

ok the last post i did was Dec 24 06. in the first month of 07 i was in Thailand. my home country. the day we went to the airport something weird happened. 3-4 days before my mom gave a rent check to the people who were in the manager office. at the time the old manager just left and the new one was coming. so on the day we had to go we saw what we believe a new manager.

my mom asked if she received the check. she said what check. my mom told her that she gave it to her people. the new manager got angry, saying that my mom is a racist. she screamed and screamed i thought man what a sign.

i wondered what would my journey be like.

racist? she made a lot of people angry here.

a month later we came back and she was gone.

thx god.

when i got to the Thai airport, i wondered who was a person standing next to my uncle. he was tall and quite handsome, good looking.

it turned out he was my cousin. we have not seen each other for many years. he was 18 at the time. i always thought he was half blood and when i saw him, i knew it was true. he was just like any 18 years old boy who doesn't think about future and only live for today and tomorrow.

he preferred the life of artist and we all know what that would be like.

ohh by the way when i was in Thailand me and my cousin were lived together as a brother and sister. don't u think that i have a crush on him.

he told me a little bit about his gf and other women he dated. he told me about the day he had to run away from gangsters and polices.

when i heard all bout this, i wondered what he would turn out to be.

i went to Thailand after i had lived here for 4 years then visited once 2 years after that. during in Thailand was the only time i talked to my cousin.

the last time i was in Thailand there was an opened talk of my mom family, giving me a believe that i will have relatives in Thailand.

for long time i believe that there is nothing for me in Thailand.

non of my relatives were get along and i don't know my dad's side. i was so happy. i met other cousins that i haven't talk for age. i came back here with the believe that there is something there for me.

if there is something happen to me that i can't be here at least i can go home, back to my relatives.

last month on friday my uncle called me and told me that my cousin's gf gave birth to a baby girl.

what the hell.

i thought we have something. the relationship of brother and sister.

the relationship of relative.

and what the hell.

when i first heard this, i was claim and just didn't think of anything.

the first time i talked to him i was like you are an idiot etc..etc. and i talked to my gf in Thailand and just trashed my cousin and his gf.

the second time i talked to him i cried.

i can't believe that what i had thought is just that. i talked to many people and a monk. i got better and better. you know who is the one give me a good reason not to be crazy about this, it is mickey.

she said that i am an outsider to him, he now has his own family.

everything will be all about his family now. that just hits me. he has his own family now.

i am an outsider to him.

i know now that the only reason i was angry at my cousin is b/c i was thinking about myself.

i don't have a life here. everything including the time have not move at all.

i couldn't except that other ppl around me have move one w/ their lives.

i used to having control over my cousin. by him having his own family i get the feeling of losing control. it might sound crazy but i am a control freak. just so u know. that's another reason why i was angry and cried.

i am just a person that willing to just dump anything that will harm me in anyway.

i damped any hope of going back and live with my so-called extended family.

i am back at where i was: alone.

so my cousin just asked me for money.

i would give to him but not for what he asked.

it is for the wedding gift from me. i hope it would be a first and a last time that i give him money. i don't have him as my cousin anymore and i don't want our relationship to be based on money.

i don't want him to see me as a sister only b/c i can give him money.

Wow

i can't believe how long it have been since i was here.

i will be free next week and i will try to catch up what happened in my life so far.

even though no one read it.

i read it.

i think it's easier for me to type than to write.

it happens to me so many time that i can't read my own writing.

isn't that sad.

I AM FREE

i am free. it's over. IT'S OVER... for now. now i have time to write something here. ok what do i want to type here.

let talk about my school:
i think i should get all A this semester. i think i did very good on the final tests. i have to take eng next semester. man. and speech too. but speech is fine for me thought. i want to get in to nursing program. i hope i get except next fall. i will apply 3 places. one of them admitted me. what is that mean? is that mean i am in or what? i applied for nursing and it didn't say anything about nursing major. anyway i ask someone later.

my life:
nothing change much. there is a store that sell left-over-or-damage clothes from 3 for 10 to 99c. before final tests i went to the store and bought damage clothes. for days i fixed them. i told myself what i am doing? the final tests is coming up. i suppose to be reading books. the clothes were from forever 21 and other stores. i love it.

i went to santee alley other day. i read somewhere on the internet that i should ask for the lowest price. i am not good at this. the price is good comparing to the major store, but i can fine even lower somewhere else. there are very good looking shoes. i love the style. not cheap but i think i will buy more than 1 so i might ask them to lower the price. why didn't i buy the shoes then and there, you may ask. I AM GOING TO THAILAND THIS JAN. so i will spend my money in thailand. :) i will shop until i drop. ha ha ha.

u know i HATE it when i said something and the listener react as if she understand u, but she didn't even listening. i am talking about my mom. there is a thai resteraunt that move to the new location. me and my mom passed that new location of that store. i told her "mom look there is that resteraunt that move from hollywood." and she nodded. we talked crossed the street to that resteraunt to get to the bus stop. then she said "look the store moved here." i was like WHAT? i asked her if she was listening to what i was saying. i already tell her about that. she said no. and i HATE it. today we went to the wat thai. there are new chairs and tables. i told her about it. we went to buy some foods and sit down on that new chairs and table. she said "ohh there are new chairs an tables". again. i asked her y she doesn't listen to what i said. she told me to stop talking if it leads to the fight. and i HATE it.

i am in a very bad mood today. she called me stupid when i made a charp turn (driving a car) then about the not listening thing. i don't like to go to wat thai because every time i went there i would find people walking with their friends, enjoying. i don't have friends. i want to go out with people i know and they all have something to do. many people i know are parents and/or work. i feel so jeaous very time i see people with their friends. i know i should go out more but with whom and where? i HATE it. i am going to thailand for a month. i will meet my old friends. i wonder if they will have sometime to go out with me.

i am looking to buy canon powershot a540. a month ago it was 154 then the price up to 160, 170 and now is 180 something. i think and hope that after chrismas the price will come down to 100 something. ha ha ha.

happy hoilday and new year to everyone.

dog food

2.7 million dollar!!! a black firerfighter with 2 bites of dog food?. where is that money come from? me? u? dame it. i think about how can that money be use. it's stupid. it was a joke. A JOKE. he even said it himeself that he too play joke on other firerfighter. GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY U STUPID PERSON.

i know that this news is old but have u heard about kid dressed up as Hitler to school. a guy came and yelled at him that many people suffer because of Hitler and the last thing they want to see is people dress up as Hitler (or something like that). the reporter asked the kid if he feels anything after hearing that. do u know what he said. "NOTHING." i feel NOTHING. if his family was killed by Hitler i wonder if he would dress up as Hitler.

NO JAIL TIME. yes, u heard me no jail time for that old man who killed 5 people and wounded many people. he didn't even come to court to listen to painful-and-hurt-statement from family members of killed people. judge should make him come. PROBATION? what the **** is that? HE SHOULD DIED IN JAIL. i don't care of his poor health. what about other who died and killed? what about saying sorry? "u saw me coming why don't u move out of the way" THAT is what he said. his daugther said to leave her father alone. easy for u to say that you *****.

what a week

i don't know where to begin.
COMPUTERS
let talk about my computer first. one of my computers can't get into the internet. i spend on that computer with the router's company and the internet helpers for 2 days. so what's wrong? network card is bad. either i fix or throw it away. i think i will fix it or may be try to see first how much it will cost. i have another 2 computers. i will try to make it share the internet i don't know if it will work b/c i try to use it another day it doesn't work. it should work it if the problem is not the internet but my old computer.

TESTS
in my korean class i miss spell the word "bag" i can't believe it. it's the most easy word we have learn so far. i got 18.5 out of 20 b/c i miss spell many words that is so easy.i don't know that to say, u know sometime u just miss something that u don't thing it's important.
in my socialology class i had a written test and i forgot to bring my notes to study *&%^$.

YOUTUBE.COM
my saved videos are deleted. man so now i am trying to find the way to get the video and save it. i though about buying those video but i don't have time to get to the shop and u must know where to go too. i see i can download video from google to i will try that. good. however, i can't download it to cd. there are solfware but i have to pay for it. i am wondering it's there another way to save it to the cd with out paying. ha ha ha i am cheap u know me hahahaha.

VOTE
i will vote yes for 86 and 87? y? just b/c i want to. and no on H.

MY LIFE
nothing much. same same. on my birthday i/we didn't do anything except order one mid pizza. buut i will go to thailand next year though. what do u think? :D

if there are something new in my life i will tell u, bye.

@#%$& Columbus day

I forgot that day was Columbus day.

I had to do something and when I got there it closed. i lost my time here.

hey remember my pus gum? Did I tell u it happen again? second time? well last week i went to the dentist and removed the top part of the gum that covered my teeth. everything it's ok.

this week i am free and so i try to do fun things i can't do during testing week but i can't fine any. so sad. everybody is so busy with something. (or they don't want to hang out w/ me ?_?){i hope not}

don't worry! i might go out w/ one of my friend this friday and tue w/ other one.

HA.

youtube had deleted lots of my favorites vdo.

one of my friend got into nursing program. wow. she is lucky.